Thursday, December 02, 2004

Cereal Day or Night

This is such an awesome concept... check out Cereality's website at

I don't know why I haven't thought of this -- ok, I probably have, but I just haven't acted upon my business ventures. I can't wait to visit the store in Chicago, or perhaps, I'm just crazy enough for a roadtrip to Philly to eat cereal.

And honestly, you know I would do it, too. Does anyone remember the pilgrimage to Chicago just for Superdawg? Well hell...that was gosh-darn awesome hot dog. This must be really good cereal.

Wow, this just totally set the tone for my day...I'm psyched!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

No Silly Title

I just want a cherry Slurpee right now...Yea, random. I know.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Chris's Life Lesson #3

Chris's Life Lesson #3

Part I. Don't think because you want to impress the guy you like, means that you can handle drinking Wild Turkey shots.

Part II. And don't swish it around in your mouth first.

Your stomach will not like you the next day, or even two days later. There's a strong burning sensation and, really, burning is not fun.

It's better to impress that person you like with your wit, intellect, and fun smile. Not by trying to drink them under the table. Not that I even could come close.

But, I do have to admit that I do have a lot of fun even if he's trying to pick drinks for me that will make me nauseous twenty minutes later.

I'm too smitten...

Sunday, October 31, 2004

It's Not Easy Being Shy

Apparently, it's a character flaw for one to be shy. Ok, maybe not a character flaw per se, but at least some sort of flaw, or possibly hinderance is a better word.

Ah, well...Who knows I could've made out with a boy last night if only I had more guts. Instead, I'm putting a lot of faith into him to make a move.

Still, last night was fun...especially that part where we were holding hands. {Insert big, glowing grin here}

Yea, well...Someone is supposed to call me tonight when they're done with a midterm and if they want to hang out. And honestly, I'm just tired. I'm going to take a nap...

Friday, October 29, 2004

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Dear Sally...

I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything. I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us, and that our mission is to never let it.

--Sally Reardon (Janeane Garafolo), "Felicity" (1998)

It's Been a Few...

It certainly has been a few days since I last wrote. So, in a nutshell...It hasn't been a good 72-96 some hours. It's actually been quite painful. It is so hard watching people that I care about hurt so, so much by the events that have been happening. I just want to reach out to them and let them know that I'm there for them -- one person in particular.

God, it just isn't fair.

Why? It doesn't make sense. I know some things never will make sense, but this just isn't fair. Why her? Why now? I wish I could take all the pain away from everyone who is hurting right now...but, I can't. It is so hard to watch them trying so hard, and working so feverishly to the point of exhaustion.

I am honestly very, very worried about their health and their sanity. I don't know what to do. It's breaking me up inside because I want to say something, but I don't know if it's my place to say something, y'know?

It's like I care so much for this person and I can't even tell him. I don't even know how -- or when -- he started to mean so much to me. And honestly, I don't want to mistake the feelings that I'm having right now from friendship or into something else...because I just don't know what they are. I am so confused. I'm trying to be there, but then at the same time, I know (and I feel) that I'm pulling away. I'm trying to run again. And I'm scared.

I see things on his face that I've seen on another face. They're things that scared me three years ago and made me run then. I'm sick of running. But at the same time...this wasn't in my plan. I don't need this stress and the added pressure and drama. I just want to be. I just can't stop thinking about him, though, and I guess that means something...somewhere. I just don't know what.

I'm so afraid I'm falling for him. I can't believe I just said that. How can I possible be falling for someone who I have yet to even go on a date with? That isnt' possible, is it? I am so scared by the feelings that I am having.

I just want to run again...

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Hmm...Part Deux

I think I have a quasi-date on Friday. I don't exactly know how, but I think...somehow...said boy finally asked me out. It's actually quite a blur at the moment (it also happened like six hours ago before a huge game six).

But yea...He asked me to go out on Friday night after we got done with some stuff at school. I have no idea what that really entails. I'm so super nervous right now. I can't imagine how this is going to be on Friday.

I've been waiting how long for him to ask me out? I've been waiting patiently every time he couldn't go somewhere, or I couldn't go somewhere...and's might seriously actually happen?

What does one do?

I am so nervous...I don't want to act like an idiot in front of him. My, my...It's all that I hang out with him... alone ...for one night...and now it's happening.

Please...just let this go right...

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Silly Bear...

Late-night phone calls to tell me the Sox are back in the game...


Alas, you're cute anyways...

Monday, October 18, 2004

Weekend Update

Yah, so...this weekend didn't go exactly as planned. Really, when does it ever, though? I guess I put to much emphasis on some things to happen (that obviously didn't happen), which resulted in me totally getting let down. Which again, am I really that surprised?

Shout out request from someone to themselves: "Hey Angela!"

Anywhoooo....Yeah, this weekend...very perplexing. news of the moment: Apparently, I have to keep Friday open. I don't know. I'm again, very perplexed. I think I'm going to go think or something productive...

Peace out, kidses

Saturday, October 16, 2004

More perplexion

Is perplexion even a word? It rhymes with complexion, though, if that's any consolation.


Yea, talking about sports till 1:30 in the morning with aforementioned boy. That was interesting. At least I got him talking for an hour, I guess.

It's like I had the perfect opportunity to tell him what I've been feeling, but I totally blew that chance. Like he asked me if I was mad yesterday (I was acting really pissy after the sports show and totally ignored him, didn't say goodbye-type thing), and instead of telling him that I'm frustrated and that I get speechless around him...I just choked.

As usual...

I get to see him today at the double-header soccer game. I'm a "tv consultant" for the athletic department and he's doing play-by-play. Fun, fun, fun. I'm hoping since the Sox are playing the Yanks tonight, and he has his apartment all to himself this weekend, that he'll invite me over to watch the game with him...

Hmm, is that too much wishful thinking?

Friday, October 15, 2004

My head hurts...

I think two pitchers of sangria is my limit. Wow. I'm fuzzy. I don't really know what just happened. Good feeling, but fuzzy. And really, I have to go potty again. Ok, so I sound like a two-year-old with an irritable bladder, but was good sangria.

And after the hellish sort of day that I just had. It was well worth it all.

Wow. What a day. My head is spinning...and I can say that on multiple levels, honestly. Figuratively and physically, my head is spinning.

Why are guys so perplexing? Can someone please explain that to me? Why are they so wicked cute in their little suits when they're dressed up and crap? Ugh. Why do they have this way of drawing me back in just when I think I'm OK without them?

Why do they have this way of making me feel better when I'm feeling kinda down? Ugh. How do they do all of these things without even knowing it, y'know? Honestly, it must be something they pull them away in shop class to learn.

"Here, Tommy...Today, instead of learning how to solder this piece of metal to make your bookshelf, we're going to teach you how to reel a woman in with your boyish good looks and chivalrous charm."

Yea, that day I apparently missed in Mr. Sheeley's tech ed class...

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Does anyone know a carpenter?

Ok, does someone know how to get rid of a fence? Really, I'm not into this whole concept of "fence-sitting." Honestly, it isn't working for me. C' either "do" or you "don't." There really can be no in between, and if there's an "in between," let's just be decisive, please.

I dunno...

What the hell happened today? Why do I have to hear about some chain-smoking girl with some sort of STD (well, not really, but that's how she came across in the description) who's all over him? I don't need to hear that. It's really juvenile. If you're trying to make me jealous that other girls are all over you...Yea, it worked. I'm jealous.

But, what do you want me to do?

I'm not going to fawn all over you. I'm not going to start feeling you up in the middle of your apartment. I'm not going to do a lot of things. That just isn't me.

Plus, why would I? I don't have any indication that you feel something -- anything -- for me. But, yes...I am jealous. It makes me seethe to know that other girls are getting to feel your leg up, or whatever is going down on that couch. I want to be the girl who's all over you on your couch. I don't need some image roaming around my head about some other girl. Yea, it helped to hear that you were annoyed by it, but...Ugh. This is just so frustrating.

I don't know what I have to do different. I don't want to do anything different. I just want to be me. I want him to like me for me. I'm not going to change for a guy. I've never been that kind of girl and I'm not about to start that now. I just...I have this knack for picking the shyest guys in the world who don't know how to outright say things. And honestly, I'm not going to outright say how I feel...I just can't do it yet.

If you read this...then yes, you have seen how I really feel. But, I'm just not ready to say it outloud yet. I want to. I honestly wish I could. I just want it to be in person. But we never have that chance together. I want to ask you out. I want to tell you that I want to spend more time with you to get to know you better. I want to tell you...I want to tell you so much. I just can't. I am so utterly scared by how I am feeling right now and by how much I don't want my feelings that I have to jeopardize whatever we do have now.

I see you all the time and you think it would get easier. It doesn't. I'm finding that every time I see you, it's getting harder and harder to be around you. It's more and more nerve-wracking. More frustrating. My heart beats faster and faster and the thoughts just disappear from my head and I turn into a babbling idiot.

I wish there were a way to say that all...A part of me wishes that you would see this...

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Go Yankers!

I'm a winner, and as such, I only root for winners.

Yankees take series 1-0 over Red Sox.

Next game: tomorrow................

What is persistence?

Random question of the day: What is the definition of persistence?

I wish I knew because apparently that's what I need to be. Well, that's if I listen to someone close to you-know-who. I dunno. I don't know what to even believe anymore, or what I should be doing vs. how I'm doing it. I just...I just want things to work out. I want something to happen.

Everytime that I convince myself I don't need said boy, someone comes back and tells me that I need to continue pursuing him because he's on some fence, or because they think I can win him over, or some bull sh*t to that extent.

It's like they lure me back in to think that I really can win him over. But, every time I try to be "persistent," I feel like I'm just being annoying, or coming across as needy and desperate -- which I most definitely am not.

I genuinely like this person. I do want something to come from our friendship, y'know. There's something there...sure. I just don't know what to do about it. If I should do anything at all, y'know? He makes me smile and has this way of making my day seem that much brighter when it sucks or something like that.

It's all so juvenile. I wish I could just slip him a note under the table that says "check 'yes' or 'no' if you like me." But, for some reason I don't think that would fly. It didn't work with me in sixth grade.

I can't give up on this since I do feel so strongly for him, but at the same can I trust what someone else has been saying about him, when it hasn't been him who's necessarily been saying it?

Monday, October 11, 2004

I know what I want now...


Yes, you heard it right, kids. I want a cuddle buddy. Someone who I can text message and be all like, "Cuddle?"

That's not being too whore-ish, is it?

How did I come to this realization? Well, we were talking about the aforementioned "cuddle buddies" at work today. And I thought, "Hey, that's just a pretty dang good idea." There's no real commitment. No heavy duty relationship. Just someone to cuddle with on those long, cold, lonely New England nights (that, of course will be coming in due force soon). So yes...I want a cuddle buddy.

I'm just unsure of how to go about asking said boy if he wants to be the designated cuddle buddy.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Drunk Dial Update

Remember how I drunk-dialed someone the other night? Hmm. Yea, I still don't really know the outcome of that. Well, I do...but, hmm.

Why are there always more questions? Can't I just get a yes or no...or just something resembling...anything, I guess.

So, yea...I think he actually said to me on Thursday (when I saw him) that I only call him when I'm drunk. Not exactly true, but fairly.

The answer why: I get way too nervous in person or when I'm sober. I can't talk to him otherwise. It is so absurd. I get tongue-tied and nothing comes out right. Not that when I'm drunk things come out right, but at least something comes out, I guess.

How did I let things get this way? I am so into this guy and I'm just setting myself up for the hugest letdown in the world. What do I really think is going to come from this anyways?

I don't want a relationship right now. I don't think he does. We're both graduating in, let's see here...oh, like seven months. We have no idea where the @#$% we'll be after that. I'm a complete mess when it comes to relationships. Not to mention I'm afraid of intimacy.

Plus, he's a normal (or seems to be normal), college-aged guy. How does that work with me? I can't put another guy through what I am, and how I act (or lack of act). It isn't fair, I know. But, I am so afraid of letting people in. It's like I wish I could just say to him, "Hey, let's have some fun. No expectations. Nothing after graduation. Just whenever we feel like it." But I can't. That isn't me and that probably will never be me.

What on Earth could I possibly want from this guy?

You know, if I knew that answer...I'd be the richest person in the world. Maybe I am just lonely. Maybe I just need to make-out with someone. Maybe I just want a friend. I DON'T KNOW. All I know is that every time I am with him...I'm smiling on the inside. I'm happy. And everytime I don't see him, or don't hear from him, I'm waiting anxiously for the next time I will see him.

I don't know how that happened and I don't know if he remotely feels the same.

I am so afraid to risk the friendship that we do have (mainly because of my last experience with trying to have a friend turn into "more than friends"). But, it's like I want to risk it. I just want to know how he feels. I am so afraid to make the first move. I know mutual friends have said that he's just clueless and needs me to make that first move, but I don't know if I can, y'know? I don't want to feel like an idiot. What if this is only some stupid crush? But then, what if it isn't...

Highlight Fun

Ok, remember back in the day when I wanted to be the next Suzy Kolber on ESPN? Yea, that was a LONG time ago. Proby back in high school when I was still covering basketball games for West Side Stories . Yes, that long ago. I don't think I've really had an inkling since about then to even be on-air. But for a few brief moments on Friday, I really wanted to be an on-air personality again.

Who would've thought that doing 7 minutes of Boston Red Sox highlights would have me wanting to be a sports anchor again?

Well, the dream is short-lived, but it was most definitely fun and enjoyable. I can't say that I want to do highlights for a living (by any means). It was just cool to live that lifelong dream (or whatever you want to call it) of actually -- almost -- really being on ESPN.

I can't say that I won't ever do highlights again...I wonder what the chances of me taking over WEBN Sports is???

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Axel's Revisited

So, it's been over a year since I last hit Axel's on Oakland back in Milwaukee. Remember those days with Katie #3, Amber, Kevin, and Chris? Nights after closing the TV lab down, before the PVTV shows, and getting unnecessarily sloshed?

Those were the days...

How can I forget some of those nights? The ones where we'd end up back at Johnston Hall, roaming the floors, trying to find a ghost (which turned out to be KC under a stairway). Or, the nights where I couldn't even drive home and ended up on someone's couch? Or, just sitting and talking about absolutely nothing and trying to see how many times Rick Springfield's "Jesse's Girl" could play in a row on the jukebox.

Yes, I've been trying to recapture those days for a long time...

And, I think last night was the first time that I have reasonably even come close since being in Boston. I don't think I have been that utterly wasted (for no good reason) since UWM (and that may be a good thing).

But, it started out innocently enough at the White Horse with a Miller and some pool. But once the party migrated to Big City and the shots and pitchers of sangria started coming -- all bets were off.

Thanks to Lins for taking my glass away from me...but, really...I totally would've drunk that whole glass of sangria-fruity goodness. Unfortunately, that outcome would not have been pretty. And really, the one that did end up following was amusing, but not my best moment.

It's always great when you drunk-dial someone who you like, is it not? Yea, I'm not quite sure what I said in his voicemail, but I'll find out in a few hours, I guess. Otherwise, it's not good when you find yourself sitting on your bathroom floor. But, that is a first for me.

Hmm...Good times...

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Dear Blog Reader:

Christina is losing it momentarily. She has to produce two 1:45 play-by-play segments of games one and two of the Sox vs. Angels series by Friday.

Tough task?

Well, yes. Since a) she is not a Sox fan b) has never done shot sheets before and c) doesn't have a VCR to tape game 2.

Thanks to least I have game two slightly covered for highlight purposes. But, he has a midnight bedtime and the game won't be done by that time. I owe him BIG time for helping me out with this. And now I know why it makes sense that I'm friends with the sports director, eh?

Alas, I'm still losing it because I'm freaked out about my practicum show, too. If anyone cares to help shoot some video or knows anything about graphics, please see me ASAP. You will be compensated.



Sunday, October 03, 2004

Stood Up

Yup. My luck. Now, I'm listening to Britney Spears....Thanks a lot.....

Thursday, September 30, 2004


Rest up, for tomorrow is another long day of Emerson-ness. Good Emerson-ness. But still Emerson-ness. Did that make absolutely any sense?

Proby not.

This is why I need to sleep...

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Thank gawd I didn't say something in an IM today. When have I ever been able to hold my tongue about something? Yea, usually never.Thank goodness I could do it today.

Saved my ass.

Breathe. Everything is OK. No one knows a thing...or do they?

Monday, September 27, 2004

Smitten Insomniac

I can't sleep. Well, I tried, and I can't. I suppose I will later. Just right now I can't. I don't know why. Ok, I think I know. I'm antsy.

Antsy and Chris don't go well together. That's kinda like lamb and tuna fish. Yea, they just don't meld well with one another. I have all this excess energy that I need to expel. Still, I'm exhausted from working. I just can't sleep, though. Could that be a sign of something else? Yea, sure it is. I'm antsy, aren't I?


I hate feeling this way. You know, when you don't have control over something. Yea, that feeling doesn't meld well with me, either. I guess I'm just in one of those moods. I want everything to go right. I had a great weekend and I just want it to continue. Maybe that's it. I had too good of a weekend for once and I don't know what to do with myself. It is a rarity for me to actually have fun, isn't it?

Well, I do have fun...sometimes. Just not here that often. I don't know why I had that much fun anyways. Ok, that's a flat-out lie. Of course, I know why I had a lot of fun this weekend and enjoyed myself so much.

I got shit-faced and hung out with a boy that I have a major crush on. That's why. Oops, I probably shouldn't have said that outloud, should I? Oh, well. It's not like he doesn't know. Wait, he probably doesn't know. But, it's not like he reads this?

Wait, with my luck...He probably does read this. Why? 'Cause I was born under a bad sign. That's why. Ugh. If I could just have really good luck, you know? And knew that he felt the same way about me, y'know?

That his heart raced as much as mine does every time we're together. That he's feeling nervous like a 12-year-old when our eyes meet. Yea, that's kinda how I feel when we're together. It's so goofy, but it's fun, y'know? I haven't felt that for a long time. And a part of me doesn't want it to go away. I like that feeling. The anticipation of knowing that there's the possibility of something . Not quite sure what -- but something.

That something that's on the horizon. A lingering sort of antsyness that is exhilarating and refreshing and nerve-racking all at the same time. I really don't want that to go away. Because I know if that feeling goes away...That means that he didn't feel the same way. And really, I don't want that outcome.

At the same time, I don't want to go down some road with this person because we are such good friends. And my history with guys who I've been friends with and then wanted something else...well, let's just say my track record isn't that good.

So, I guess I just want that pitter-patter of excitement to continue a little while longer and then maybe...who knows...

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Bedding Down

Yay! My first night in a real bed. Awesome, awesome, awesome. No more sleeping in the living room!

Thanks, Melissa!

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Three calls?

I'm confused.......

Ok, who picked Varsity Blues...

All right...So Friday was pretty fun. I have to admit. Even though I had to be at work at 9 a.m. and then I had a four hour class. It was still pretty good. How (and or why), you ask?

Well...let's see...

I dunno. I guess Emerson is finally getting fun this year. People are just being normal. And themselves, I suppose. It makes for a lot less egos and a little bit more relaxation and funness factor. I guess when you go to a place that specializes in putting people in front of the camera you're bound to have ego clashes, but for whatever reason I think this year will be totally different.


So, after an amusing work outing and practicum class...yea...that sugar high from the ice cream pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening -- a whimsical, whipped-cream filled evening in a cup. (And you think I'm joking about the whipped cream part)

Auditions were fun, the 3-hour drive to Cambridge was endless (but it did end with an awesome Mexican dinner and tequila goodness), the random breakdown of the car (not so cool and somewhat freaky), the game (well, the better team won guys...plain and simple), and wait a second...

Who the hell picked "Varsity Blues" for the movie?!?

I didn't get a chance to vote on that. I was too far wasted on the six-pack of Mike's Hard. Yea, that movie sucked. What the !@#$ Yea, I want a do-over on that one if possible. I think Lindsay, Charles, or Brett owes me another movie...take your pick guys. Yes, it was an interesting evening to say the least...maybe it will continue into tonight.

Yah, that's wishful thinking...

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Waiting Game

Waiting, waiting, waiting...for what? I'm not exactly sure.



Dear Readers,

The management apologizes greatly for any comments made last night in the wild throws of downing Mike's Hard Lemonades. Please disregard any and all comments stating that management would like to "change her girl-next-door image."

Management is quite pleased with the way her life is going and needs to accept the fact that Boston is full of incompetence that in no way reflects her own poor judgements within the realms of personal relationships.

Again, we greatly apologize for any comments.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

What do I have to do?

All right. What do I have to do to get a little bit of action from a college-aged guy? It shouldn't be much, right? I should just be able to say, "Hey, do you want to go out and get a drink?" Right?


Apparently, I'm going to have to spread my legs wide open, bare my flat-chest, and be a drunk to get a guy to notice me.

Ugh. I hate being this nice girl all the time who comes across as the girl-next-door. I'm sick of it. I just want to date a guy.

Is this too much to ask?

Monday, September 20, 2004

Chris's Amendment to Life Lesson #2

Shaking my head

Yes, I am not proud to say that I may need the chicken rule finally for myself in this god-forsaken place.

Guys...why??? I'm a nice person. I don't deserve this (or maybe I do?). I dunno. But, I meet a nice one of you and then you lure me in like a trout in one of Minnesota's 10,000 lakes or some crap, and then I'm wicked hooked.

I don't need this distraction in my life right now. But I can't stop thinking about someone and it is killing me. I have this proposal due for practicum tomorrow at noon -- and what do I have to show for it? Yea, nada.

All I can think about is..."Oh, when will I see him again?" or, "I wonder if he thinks the same about me..."

Yes, I have it bad. Well, it's been awhile since I've crushed this bad. And we all know how that turned out -- Ohio, unreturned phone calls, and a broken heart.

Alas, I'm back in the game...I think.


I am finally connected to the internet again. Thank you Verizon DSL.

If you need to contact me:

Yahoo! Messenger: (always fun with the audible emoticons) brewcrew26

As always...No drunk IM-ing kidses...Not cool. Take my word on that.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Friends With Benefits

All right, I don't get how people do this -- the whole making out with friends and then still maintaining some sort of platonicness. Maybe you have to have a certain gene to do it. But, I just can't. There's a part of me that wishes I could just have one of those no strings attached sorts of relationships. But then, there's the other, the way-too-moral part of me, that screams out at me, "Chris, don't be a slut."

I see other people around me, not necessarily just here in Boston, but also back home and at UWM, who could just make-out with guys randomly at parties during undergrad or whatever. And then never see or talk to those people in that same way again, or go back to being just friends. It's like it seems like it is something or a normal thing with college-aged kids. I guess I just never have had a normal college experience, and/or have allowed myself to have a "normal" college experience.

That possibly could be aquated to me being a prude. But, I hate to call myself a prude when I really don't think I am. It's like there's things that I would do...sure. There's things that I have done...sure. I dunno. I guess there's a difference between being a prude and just being picky. Maybe I'm just too picky. That could certainly be it.

But, how can one really be picky when one doesn't know what they want? I don't know what I want even. I guess that could be it, too. But then, wouldn't the making out with every guy be a good solution then? Yea, still can't do it when I think about it that way.

How do people do it? How can they wake up the next day and still be able to be cool with what they did? It's like there were things when I was in a relationship that I had so many problems dealing with the next day, let alone if I wasn't in a relationship, y'know?

Honestly, this is why I strongly standby the theory of Post-It notes...

My Roomie's Blog Suggestion

So, I have been told to write a blog entry about what else...Boobs. I don't know why and honestly I don't think I can write enough about my boobs or other people's boobs to make enough of an entry. I suppose I could make an effort to really write about one's boobs, but why? Alas, to the disppointment of my roommate, I cannot write an entire entry about someone's boobs.

I deeply apologize...

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Emerson's New Class

Yea, not looking promising for the prospects this year....again. It's like, we're a performing arts school and everything. Why can't we say, "Send a head shot with your application"? Or, is that like not legal or something? Hmm...

The new class is small (25) and mainly print kidses. So, really I won't see any of them ever again probably. Hopefully, I didn't damage them too much. And honestly, I didn't get any of them run over by cars on the tour around campus. So, point to me for that.

Alas, I'm going to be waiting to meet that special someone when I'm going for my PhD. Whoever said that I would meet my future husband in graduate school was on crack. And really, not high quality crack either. So, so sad.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Back to School...Grade 18

I think I'm in the equivalent of 18th grade this year, right? Yea, I'm getting so old that I don't even know what year of school I'm in any more.

Yes, but today was "back to school" day for me. Not officially, but unofficially. Had to AD another round of "Capitol Perspectives with Ted Kennedy." Yes, that was so rousing. Filled out some employment forms so I can get paid for my Emerson services in the BJ and Athletic departments this year. Yea, what's this deal about me not having work study all about?? I have to wait to find out 'till November to see if I have an award? What is that? I only have a semester left after November-ish. Yea, the good that does me.

It is so amusing waiting for T in this madness. Why? Because BU kids can't walk the two blocks it takes for them to go to class.

Lazy bums.

Anywhooo, otherwise...we have a new phone. Finally. Still no internet so I'm bumming internet off the roommate till I set something up of my own. I suppose I should just get one of those wireless card things, but that is going to have to wait for a bit.

What else?

Have a I mentioned how much I hate my life and paying bills? sucks. If there is some way you can get out paying bills, or just becoming a grown-up, I highly recommend taking that route instead.

Otherwise, you end up in grade 18, broke, and working a zillion jobs and still about to become bankrupt. And people wonder why I need a therapist...

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Chris's Life Lesson #2

Lesson #2
When you are horny (and or randy), eat some type of chicken to alleviate any of the aforementioned horniness (and or randiness).

Why do I never need this rule? Have I been out of the game that long? I think I must be getting old or something, because honestly, I'm not even to my sexual peak or anything and I have no inclination to hook up with some guy and just make out or whatnot.

Hmm...Maybe I need some hormonal replacement treatment or something. Or really, yea, I don't have anything else.

Long Lost What?

So, how do I put this in a PC sort of way without naming names and totally cornering somebody? Has anyone ever seen someone who they haven't seen in a very long time and been like, "Damn, time has not been kind to you?"

It's like I didn't tell them that, it was more of an internal monologue. But, it's like, wow. People change and stuff, y'know? It's like I wonder if people think that about me. Not that I've changed physically all that much, but really...It's like have I physically let myself go and people just don't talk to me about it?

Anyways, wow. Time does funny things to people...

Back in Beantown

Made it back to the craziness of Boston. Fell asleep for most of the flight. I woke up in my seat to someone (not quite sure who) throwing a cinnamon raisin granola bar at my head. It may have actually been the stewardesses (or I guess flight attendants to be PC).

Yea, so it's finally summer here. Got in to Logan to 85-degree weather and a diversion from the Airport T stop to Maverick station. Yes, that was fun lugging my bags. I finally started swearing like a Dutch sailor in my stairwell when I got home. It's bad when the new roommie's first impression of me is, "I hate this {bleeping} city. And how are you doing?"

But, yes...It is good to be back in Boston. Although I am slightly under the weather and in desperate need of some Dayquil. I feel very congested and clogged. My ears are in a tunnel. So, if I yell -- It's because seriously I can't hear you at the moment.


Friday, September 03, 2004

Chris's Life's Lesson #1

Lesson #1
Always say what's on your mind because you may never have the chance again.

No, I didn't fail at saying something, or necessarily fail because I didn't say something. I dunno what I'm trying to get at here really, or how do I put this in a way that sounds correct.

Ok. Hypothethically. Have you ever been in a situation where you've wanted to say something to someone for so long. You've practiced over and over in your mind how that moment would go. You'd finally get something off your mind and out into the open. But then, when you're finally in that place, that moment to speak your mind, you shut down. You can't. You're speechless. The moment just isn't right. For whatever reason -- the lighting, the two people, the atmosphere, whatever -- you just can't get what you've been dying, aching to say out into the air.

It's such an awful feeling. But then at the same time, sometimes things are just better left unsaid, y'know?

Why is it that I always seem to try and predict how things are going to be and then they never turn out right because of something, be it me, the other person, or just the moment in general? Is it that I always have to be in control of things? That I want life to be predictable? Am I a control freak? Am I too demanding? What?

For as long as I can remember, I always try and play scenarios out in my head (generally in the morning as I'm thinking hard in the shower). I try to figure out how things are going to go during my day (interviews, a date, etc.). It's like I think how another person will try to react. A lot of times, I'll stand in front of a mirror and pretend I'm actually talking to someone, as if they're really there, and as if I actually have the courage to say things that I normally wouldn't be able to say.

But, in the end, it's always the same. I can't realistically finish what I have been practicing. It's like my little talks in the morning are just a way for me to feel like it's happened. A way for me to fool myself into believing things have happened in the way that I want them to happen. When in reality, they never have occurred that way and probably never will. It's like a way for me to create this history that I want.

Is that normal? Is that like voices in my head type stuff? Do I need to seek help for this? Or, do I just need to confront people with the things I think I need to say to them? And its not just one person or two people. I think it's with everyone I meet. I don't know if it's me being untruthful with myself or what.

MXC on Spike

Ok...what is this show all about? It's like a mix between American Gladiators, Iron Chef, and a whacked-out Double Dare. I absolutely don't get it. Is it produced in Japan or the U.S. because those voice-overs are so obnoxious even for American humor. It's like c'mon. Can we have a little bit of tact here? It's like it's funny and everything but I think I'm just totally missing something about the whole thing.

For those of you who don't know the premise of it -- There are two teams who battle against each other in these crazy, you-must-be-on-crack kinds of stunts. For example, I've seen a life-size video game stunt, a bull-riding gun toting stunt, and a ride-down-a-water-slide-in-a-bowl stunt (to name a few).

Yea. And I wonder why Spike is so strange sometimes. But alas, they do have CSI on every night of the week starting on Monday....

Time Goes By...

Three years ago...damn. I look back at where I was. It was a definitive turning point in my life. It was when I finally stopped to think about what I wanted my life to be and started making decisions to change things.

I look back at September 2001. I see a little girl who was scared. Running away from a lot of things in her life. I see a young woman who was on the brink of finding the distant outer layers of what she wanted to become. I see a person who made a lot of tough decisions to be where she is today.

When I look back and think about three years ago, the first thing I want to do is apologize to so many people. I don't know why. I feel like I was such a horrible person for so long. I look at the person I was then at 20-years-old. I was making my first real-life decisions on my own and they weren't necessarily right and they weren't necessarily one's that I am proud of. But, I won't and I can't ever take them back. They were my mistakes. But, I do apologize for how I treated a lot of people then. I know I didn't leave a lot of relationships the way I should have. I just didn't know how to at that point in my life.

It's so strange how in three years a person can grow and change so much. I never really thought I had changed all that much -- until today. I guess as I'm cleaning up and packing a lot of my things away the past week or so, and also saying goodbye to a lot of important people in my life, I've been able to realize a few things.

I have grown up. I have changed. I hope in a positive way. I hope I'm on the right track to where that young woman saw herself heading three years ago. I'm not that scared little girl anymore who's afraid to make choices on her own. But, I still doubt myself (one of those things that I wonder if I will ever outgrow). I do see someone in the mirror now who is focused on a dream of a better future, but unfortunately, still lets the past dictate a lot of what she is becoming. For better or for worse, I do let past actions lead me down the paths ahead of me.

I have been finding it so hard and so awkward to have to say goodbye to people this week. I've been on the verge of tears with everyone (hopefully they couldn't tell). But I've enjoyed my time with all of my friends -- Ann, Katie, Amber, Marcia, Val (hopefully I will see you), Steve...everyone. I just wish I knew that this wasn't the end to something, y'know?

It's so hard to make the choices that I have to make in the next year. Where am I going to move? What job am I going to take? How am I going to help my family? Or even the simplest decisions like: Where am I spending Christmas? I don't want to have to make these decisions. But I have to.

And everytime I think about it...the only thing that comes through my mind is how I can't come back to Milwaukee -- at least not for a long time. It's just too painful right now. It's been my home for 23 years and now its gone. The next time I come back, the house that I grew up in, won't be my house anymore. It'll be someone's else's. Do you know and can you understand how hard that is for me? This isn't something that I should have to deal with. But I have to.

I look at myself right now. I see that little, scared girl again. Running even faster and farther, just trying as hard as she can to escape from the life that is escaping her. I see a disenchanted young woman in the mirror now who doesn't know if her dreams are even possible. I see more fears than dreams in all honesty, and that shouldn't be the case.

While I have changed a lot over the course of three years, so much has stayed the same. I can't escape the life that my family has. Sometimes, so many times, I wish I could. But, I can't. It isn't possible and it isn't even an option. And when I think about it, it just makes me angry and more frustrated. I can't change things. I don't have that ability. I want things to be great. But they aren't. I wish I could be that little girl, with stars in her eyes who had the world at her fingertips as she walked along the stage receiving her diploma in 1999, but I can't. That life was just an illusion.

I just wish a lot of the past five years has been an illusion, too.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Packing, Moving, More Packing, and Even More Packing

Have I told you recently how much I dislike packing? Especially my stuff. There's just so much of it. This is the most awful task I think I have ever tried to undertake.

I'll pay someone if they want to finish it...........

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Baseball Game


I did something fun that helped me forget (for a brief moment) some of my recent misery. I got to go to tailgate and go to a Brewer's game tonight with a few of my old Panthervision buddies.

Yup. Amber, Katie, and Laura (who is moving to Boston this week to go to BU-ness) all organized a little get together tonight of friends. It was quite fun and a way for me to get out of the house -- which was much needed.

Even though the team lost, I still had fun. Really, who needs to pay attention to a game when you've had four beers and you're trying out your "spirit fingers???" LOL.

Thanks guys! It was fun tonight!!

Making an EXIT

I am sad to announce that my favorite Milwaukee (well, actually Waukesha)-based band is calling it quits after eight years together. Ryan, Mike, John and Craig (collectively known as EXIT) have decided to amicably part ways, according to an email sent to fans, and as listed on their website.

The group, which has won several WAMI awards during the past few years, plans to finish scheduled shows and then have a final show sometime at the end of September or early October. Then, it is off to pursue their solo performance goals. EXIT's website will remain active (at the moment) to publicize the group's solo endeavors.

Ok...forget this sounding all journalistic shit. I am so bummed out about this! I haven't seen EXIT play a live show in nearly two years. Honestly, I think the last time I saw them play was October of senior year at UWM's Gasthaus with Katie #3 and her roommies, and then got trashed at Axel's because Chris wanted us to do like a zillion pitchers and then like five snakebite shots in a matter of an hour. But aside the evening of me getting totally wasted for the first time...

There will be no more EXIT! This is so sad. The boys who brought us the albums "Two Words" and "Scenes from Next Week" are through! I am saddened by this news. I love this band. I was talking with a guy tonight who went to high school with Craig who said everyone was fine and dandy. How wrong is that? Or, ironic???

I will never forget you EXIT! The great times at Summerfest, Wisconsin State Fair, Waukesha Riverfest, Bastille Days, UWM, Marquette, Milwaukee Bucks Playoff B-Ball Rallies, Milwaukee Ale House (THE BEST!!!!) and so many more!

How can I forget the great cover songs like Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer," or Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama?" {SIGH} All the great times dancing on tables and benches. Getting hoarse and having to drag myself into work the next day after closing the bars...Those were the days.

Listening to songs in my car and saying, "Damn, this is so my life right now," ("Given") or bopping in someone's else's car, ("You Drive Me Wild") or studying for finals and trying to stay up late ("Mary Go Round"). There were just so many great songs of your own and in general that have helped me through the past four years of my quarter-life crisis.

Good luck boys -- Just remember to schedule a reunion tour to Boston....

Monday, August 30, 2004

Common Theme of My Trip

This day sucked.

I have soda in my hair. I think I broke a glass. My eyes are puffy. I went for a two hour walk from my house to Currie Park (honestly, I don't know how far that is) that involved my family searching the streets of Wauwatosa for me. And I still feel like crap.

Yea, it's been one of those days where I totally wigged out. And when I say "totally" -- I mean totally .

This "vacation" has royally sucked ass. I'm supposed to be taking it easy. My blood pressure is already high enough as it is from Boston's drama. I don't need to go home and have it put me into epileptic shock or whatever happens (maybe aneurysms?).

I just want to be in Boston so much right now. I'm counting the days until I fly out of here and never look back. I can't believe I'm saying that, but it's true. I just don't want to come back. I have no inkling whatsoever right at this moment. I can't even say that my family and friends are reason enough to want to come back any time soon (yea, that's depressing, isn't it?).

This blows. Majorly.

I'm sick of it. I wish I could just change my flight or something. My family (well, not all...but most) is full of complete morons. And it's not like I can get rid of them or something. It's like they signed for me. I can't exactly go back to the judge and be like, "Hey, I don't like this family after 23 years because they're a bunch of freaks. Can I please pick a different family?" Yea, that doesn't happen. Well, it does kinda happen. I think its called "disowning." But, that's like work with my family.

Ugh. They're just crazy. All of them. There is like some hormonal imbalance, or maybe its in the air, or the water. I don't know. But, they're crazy.

Put aside your petty f-ing differences, for Pete's sake. Who the F cares if you're driving X amount of miles every f-ing day. It's your {bleeping} {another bleep} stuff in the house, too. It's not all mine. I don't care if you don't like that brother, or that sister. I don't care if your Lumbago is acting up and you can't breathe. Take your mutha {bleeping} pill, pass the F out, and leave me the Hell out of it all.

No, I'm not coming back in November. And, today just proved the F why.

I don't need this stress if my life. I'm going to be selfish. I'm going to live my life. I'm picking who I want to be in it now. And right now, not everyone in Wisconsin is going to be a part of that in the future. So, there's that memo for you!

Saturday, August 28, 2004

My Big Fat Filipino Wedding

Noooooo. I'm not getting married. That would involve me dating someone which hasn't happened since...well, when doesn't matter exactly, does it?

I just rented "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and watched it for the first time. And honestly, I'm not Greek or anything, but there were so many things in that movie that mirror my life. I never really thought about how tough it is to cross-culturalize relationships. Maybe that contributes a lot to why I don't date a whole mess of guys.

It's like, sure...I've had the opportunity to go out with guys. I've gone out on dates with maybe a hand-full of guys during and since high school -- no need to name names (although, if you know me, I'm sure you can name them). I've been in only one significant relationship (which I sabotaged on my own quite successfully because of a lot of these cultural taboos and misunderstandings, so to speak).

It was kinda surreal to watch a movie like that when I've lived it myself, you know? Bullet points make this argument so much easier:
  • I have the father who wants the guy to ask for permission
  • I have a semi-big, crazy, loud family (ok, the "semi" part could just be substituted with "completely")
  • We cook large animals in our yard (you may not have seen us have, or tasted, the lechon -- that means "pig" in Tagalog" -- but my dad is known to dig holes in our yard for large enough parties)
  • I have a brother who would kill (and make it look like an accident) my boyfriend if he hurt me badly enough
  • Did I mention you have to ask permission to date me?

    Yea, that list isn't necessarily exhaustive. It is hard growing up from a non-Anglo culture. It's like I've always considered myself "white," but I can't escape the Filipina side of my heritage. It's always there because my family means so much to me. It's like one tries to assimilate with their culture but, in reality, culture has to assimilate with you.

    And I guess, for me, that means whoever I end up with -- has to take me and my family for what they are. And I still haven't found that person. It's hard to do that. It's hard to find that one person who will accept you and your family for what they are, and at the same time, have them love all of you for good times and bad.

    Maybe I'm too much of a pessimist when I say this, maybe I've been out of the game too long, but sometimes it's hard to think that that one person will ever come along for me, especially now............
  • Friday, August 27, 2004

    What Did I Do Today?

    Well, I got out of bed. That's definitely a good thing given my recent circumstances. Pretty much any day I get out of bed now will be a good day, I think.

    Then, I went to lunch with my favorite crack whore. No, not a real crack whore. We just like to call Katie that. You have to know the story, I guess, for that to be funny. And question: Is crack whore -- two words, hypenated, or a compound word?


    Then, I went home. Went through some old CDs and videos. Found out that my brother has like 70 some Toscanini classical CDs of the NBC Symphony Orchestra that are utterly amazing and full of the greatest symphonies (you know, for the classy person of such high esteem that I am to enjoy). I tossed about 20 VHS tapes of *NSYNC stuff that I had taped off tv. Yea, do you think 20 years from now I'm going to be bummed that I threw away the first showing of "Bye Bye Bye" on TRL???

    Yea, I'm heartbroken. I know.

    Then, after my car's oil changed done by the most enept people at Valvoline. Although the kid who did work on my car was pretty cute. But, I think that is illegal in all 50 states (between you and me, I think he was underage -- check those work laws Norman Mineta).

    Then, got dinner for the fam. Nothing spectacular. Some Boston Market. Yea...they have this strawberry shortcake dessert. Not that amazing. Just a hint.

    Then, watched some TV (YAY GAC On Demand for having Kenny Chesney videos...have I mentioned my huge crush on him!?).

    Then, went to get some Rum & Coke custard at Kopps, and after that went to Wal-Mart to pick up some stuff for my hair. Damn humidity. Why can't I live in a desert?

    Now, I'm doing laundry. So fun to be me, eh? Aight...

    Gotta go see how my white's are whitenin'....Peace out kidses.

    p.s. two potential buyers looking at the house tomorrow (I don't know if I should be happy about that........)

    Thursday, August 26, 2004


    Well, today I started packing things away. I took down the *NSYNC and Michael Jordan posters. Packed away some of my mom's old China. And tucked away a few of my old, stuffed friends.

    God. This is so hard to do.

    It just isn't fair. Why? Why do we have to move? Why is the court forcing my dad out of his house? It just doesn't seem right. There has to be some way around this all, you know? Some way to avoid all this heartache and pain of packing away 50 some years of my parent's, my brother's and sister's, and my life in to a few U-Haul boxes and into storage.

    It just isn't fair...

    Monday, August 23, 2004

    Date Set

    So, the date has been set for when everyone needs to be out of the Milwaukee house...

    November 30th.

    I guess that means I won't be back in Milwaukee for Christmas-time.

    Yea, I've gotta start packing up my room this week, so my stuff can either get shipped to Boston or go into storage for the upcoming year until I move (unless I get a job out east, at which point I'll have to move all my stuff into a bigger apartment that isn't in Allston).

    It looks, at the moment, that my Dad will be moving to San Diego to live with one of two cousins. My brother, at the moment, is debating his options. He can stay in Wisconsin with one sister, or move to San Diego with the other sister -- both have extra rooms, but only one can take the dog (which is a big thing to consider...we may give up the house, but Monty stays).

    As for me, it looks like I'm going to have a shitload of more stuff for the apartment. John is going to bring a U-Haul of my stuff sometime in October (including my bed). So, any of my hot guy friends who want to help carry my furniture up three flights of stairs, you'll be compensated VERY nicely (hint, hint...wait, I didn't say "hint." I said hint...meaning, you're helping and I'll buy you lunch or some drinks or something. Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not that kinda girl)

    For the rest of my life, yea...That means saying good-bye to all of my lifelong friends. Kinda sad, since I've known a lot of them for at least 5 years and then there's some I've known for 20 years. And, lord knows, when I'll see everyone again, right?

    Ugh...I have a week and a half left here...How does that work!? Goodbyes, packing, and relaxing!?

    My vacation isn't turning out to be much of a vacation at all...


    Ok, whoever thought it was a good idea to stuff a duck and a chicken inside of a whole turkey is either pure genius, or on some seriously heavy doses of a lithium-based product.

    So, the bored soul that I am (and out of pure curiousity), I go to, and I find that someone has seriously stuffed a turkey full of two other birds, plus andouille sausage (yes, that's said like and-doo-wee), and vegetables.

    Now, I can't really knock some good 'old Cajun cookin' until I try it, but it just sounds so obnoxiously absurd, doesn't it? But, then again, so does half of the stuff I put in my body.

    Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would like half of the things that I do (liver & onions, Shepherd's Pie, fried cheese curds, cream cheese and potato chips, the list goes on and on...), and still, my digestive track doesn't have any real problems, either. What a wonder, eh?

    If anyone would like to tell me how this turducken tastes, or would like to try one with me, I can order a turducken breast on the internet for like $60 and have it shipped.

    Dinner partayyyy, anyone?!?

    Sunday, August 22, 2004

    Rut City

    Now I remember why I always have nothing to do in Milwaukee...

    There's nothing to do in Milwaukee.

    Well, there is. It's just... I dunno. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm just not wanting to do anything. Maybe I've gotten boring in my advanced aged. I dunno. I just don't feel like doing anything while I'm home, I guess.

    People think that's a bad thing, you know? I don't. I was burned out. I pulled my back out for God's sake while I was sleeping. If that isn't stress, I don't know what is. It's like I AM doing stuff -- don't get me wrong.

    I played a round of golf today. It was awesome. I haven't picked up my clubs in like at least 5 years (or whenever it was when I was recruited for that joint East/West Girl's golf team back in the day). I was launching balls. I was making great contact. And it felt so wicked good to just be out in the hot sun on such a beautiful day, you know?

    Then, I played some more mini-golf tonight...working on my short game. Yea, that's not going too well. Gotta keep working on that.

    So, all-in-all...I'm not in a rut. And I'm not boring. I'm just relaxing. I just don't like being pressured into things by people and feel that's what a lot of people are doing right now.

    And if there's one thing that you need to learn about me, if my mind is set on not doing something, I don't do it.

    Aight...I kinda sleepy-weepy...Night kidses :)

    Friday, August 20, 2004

    Tough Mini-Golf Loss


    I lost at mini-golf by one stroke tonight. I shot a +3 at this new course on Moreland Road called stone-something-or-other. It was by far one of the toughest courses I have ever played.

    And I have played A LOT of mini-golf in my lifetime.

    It's like there were actually breaks in the greens. I'm like "excuse me? I have to bend down to check how my putt is going to go on a mini-golf course?" There is something just so utterly wrong about that.

    But, I lost by one my brother. UGH! Such a tough loss since he hasn't played since the last time I beat him over at Prairieville Park (who by the way is having a tournament on September something, but I won't be in town for it. And that is MY course. I own that one!)

    Yea, so I need to redeem myself on the greens now. This isn't like it was at Million Dollar Mulligan's in Orlando. I totally could've won this round of golf, but there were some putts that I just didn't make in the clutch.

    Such a wicked disappointment.

    Aight...'night, folks :)

    Home Sweet Home

    Well, so yes my dear patriots...I have made it safely home to Milwaukee.

    I have seized the day. Experienced so, so much like...Well, its not so much about what one has experienced so much as it is the quality time with one's family. And that's the key part to this whole time back home (besides the R&R factor after I threw my back out).

    My family is going to be selling the house. So, this will proby be one of my last times back in Wisconsin. Yes, I know. How tragic, isn't it? (And no, that wasn't sarcasm) I'm going to be spending part of my vacation packing up 23 years of my life into boxes that will go into storage until I graduate, then...who knows, right?

    The worst part is -- I don't know where this puts my Dad and my brother. I don't think they really have a plan of action just yet. And I really don't expect them to...given today (Aug. 20) would have been my Mom's 80th Birthday.

    Yea, talk about bad news coming at a VERY inopportune time, eh?

    Well, just goes to show that things can change really quickly. So, go enjoy your lives (and homes) while you still have them. You never know when they'll be taken away from you.

    You're proby thinking...she's holding up pretty well at the moment. Well, I'm trying. I was a complete basketcase when I found out on Wednesday, but hey...It was inevitable. Just didn't know when exactly. much drama. Time to go live some life, though!

    'Till next time, folks...

    Thursday, August 19, 2004

    Made It To Milwaukee

    Just want to let everyone know that I've made it to Brewtown in one piece. Besides the man with BO sitting next to me, the flight was smooth.

    Now, I'm just enjoying some pure Midwestern peace and quiet...

    Till next time...

    Wednesday, August 18, 2004

    Taking Things Back

    I take back any bitter feelings I may have harbored last night. I'm sorry. I was to blame.

    Well, I'll be back in Boston September 4...Stay tuned for Milwaukee updates, though! :P

    10 Hours Left

    I've got about 10 hours left in Boston before my plane leaves at 7:45 p.m. from Logan Int'l. What to do in the "big city" before I leave for the "little city"?


    I could:
  • Use those free Public Garden Swan Boat tickets that I have
  • Pack
  • Clean the apartment (yea, as if that's going to happen)
  • Listen to the men next door tearing up the apartment and throwing things at my window (Well, they're not purposefully throwing things at my window. I think these objects just happen to hit my window)
  • Watch some of the Olympic time trials in my roommies bedroom since she's at work
  • Work on that screenplay
  • Go find a cheap DiscMan somewhere since mine broke
  • Sit at the Pru and read a book

    So much to do, and yet it's 9 a.m. and I'm just sitting on the floor of my bedroom relaxing.

    Hey, there's not a thing wrong with that, is there?

    'Till next time.....
  • Have You Ever Had One of those Dreams...

    ...that were so realistic that you thought that what happened in the dream was reality? And then that it was hard to decipher between the dreamstate and real-life?

    Yah. I just had one of those. Freakiest things in the world. It's like I'm mad at a person for doing something in the dream that I know would never happen in reality. Yet, in reality, I'm still slightly mad at this person. Hmm. Yes, it is odd. I wonder what Freud would say about that? Probably tell me I had some sort of complex dating back to my childhood (which in all honesty is probably the case).

    But really, do you ever really wonder what those realistic dreams mean, or just dreams in general?

    I think Fox Mulder said it best on "The X-Files" once: "Dreams are the answers to questions we have not yet had the courage to ask."

    Tuesday, August 17, 2004

    I'm not bitter...


    I could be home already. I could be home already. I could be home already. I could be home already. I could be home already. I could be home already.

    Instead, where am I? Still in Boston -- that's where.

    And no, I didn't see a movie tonight. Can you tell I'm a little ticked off?

    But, dinner/ice cream/shopping with Melissa, a rousing game of Scattergories with Imaeyen and Claire, and the 200 Women's IM and Men's 200-IM made up for some lousy and disappointing early, evening-ness.

    No, really...I'm not bitter. I'll get over it. Nothing a few beers at Axel's tomorrow night can't handle. And wait...Isn't it $1.50 bottles???

    Ah, sweet home Milwaukee (that's Algonquin for beer people, you know?).......

    'Till next time, folks...

    Down to Two...

    Ok, we have narrowed it down to "Open Water" and "The Village."

    I should SO be working on the screenplay.................

    Movie Choices

    "Open Water," "A v. P," or "The Village" ???

    Online Dating

    I'll admit (although I probably shouldn't)...I posted a listing on one of those online dating websites. Hey, its all good. There are a few cute guys who seem to be pretty interesting on there.


    Why am I a magnet for the freaks!?

    I keep getting responses from people who, in all honesty, can seriously be deemed even quirkier and odder than me. Is that even possible?!?

    So, on one of them, just for giggles, I gave the question "If you could be any food, what would you be?"

    I've had answers like:

  • If I could be any food I would be kimchee. The reasion is it is spicy and tste great and has all kind of good vitimins minerals for you.

  • Food - probably pizza. Available at all hours, good hot or cold, lots of toppings to choose from. Versatile.

  • I'd have to say any type of pastry or baked goods. They sweet, irresistable, & can get nice & sticky under the right situations

  • A ham and cheese omlette. Simple, yet cosmopolitian. Appropreate for consumption anytime during the day. Wholesome but mysterious intriging- who knows what really lurks under that thin eggy exterior.

  • Well, that is easy, I'd be Swedish Fish, the candy because it is simple and sweet and I'd make people smile.

  • I will be a is Americas most favorite vegetable

  • I would be authentic Italian, because I would be able to be made in Italy, by Italian hands, and be enjoyed by lovers of Italian food.

    Now, you think I'm making this up? I'm totally serious. These are answers from real people. OK, the Swedish Fish answer was cute. I'll give you that one.

    I just don't know how people meet potential significant others like this. It's nuts. Albeit, I was trying to weed out weirdos, freaks, and just-plain-psychos, with a slightly off-key question. Yes, that was my mistake.

    I guess it's time to just going back to meeting people the old-fashioned way...

    'Till next time...
  • Monday, August 16, 2004

    Singing Obnoxiously In My Bedroom

    Ok, I think I know I piss my roommates off when I sing for hours endlessly and probably off-key in my bedroom. But, I just wonder how much I annoy the people underneath our apartment or next door. And I think they're renting out the third floor apartment next door starting in September. Great. Now I can't run around naked after my shower or sing obnoxiously out of fear of persecution by my peers.

    Well, I'm gonna keep singing, just going to keep that running around naked thing down to a minimum. :)

    Till next time...

    Life's Little Update Book

    Isn't that so bad when you don't even know what day it is? I've been wandering around all day thinking its Sunday when its really Monday. I was wondering why all these people were working and hustling about so. I guess that disorientation happens when you finally stop working for a second and have a vacation.

    Laundry update: Finished three loads of colors. Now, I just have to do two loads of whites and I'm all set to go.

    Packing update: You're kidding me, right?

    Cleaning out the fridge update: Just ate half a container of salsa...I'm not quite sure how long I had that in there. So, if I was proby the salsa. Safe bet.

    "Date" update: Going to go see "Open Water," "The Village," or "Alien vs. Predator" tomorrow. I'm awaiting my morning wake-up call anxiously......

    Boston weather update: Why is it August and I'm wearing jeans and a sweater. If memory serves me correctly, August is still summer. Is it not?!? I'm going to be sweating my balls off (wait, I don't have balls, but if I did, I would certainly be) in Wisconsin.

    Ok...I'm going to nap now...I've already did so much today. I even mailed a care package back home. Yea, it's only been sitting underneath dirty laundry for about two months. I'm soooo awful, aren't I?

    Till next time....

    Olympic Madness

    Yea, so to no surprise the USA Men's Basketball team got their asses schooled yesterday. But, c'mon...If we're going to lose, can we at least lose to like a major country where they've improved their programs greatly? How about China? Japan? Greece? Turkey?

    Puerto Rico!?!?

    They're our friggin' commonwealth. Wait just a darn second here. How does Puerto Rico even have its own Olympic team? Shouldn't they compete with us? That's like saying Massachusetts can field its own team, isn't it?

    There are just so many things wrong with the USA Men's Basketball program. For instance: WHY IS ALLEN IVERSON ON THIS TEAM!? He's a thug. They're calling this the "Dream Team" with Allen Iverson on it?? What boat did I not get on?

    I may be dating myself but I remember back in the day when the "Dream Team" consisted of Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Christian Laettner (all right, Christian Laettner never really did that much in the pros...but he was super nice to me and did invite me to Atlanta that one time, but I digress).

    Anyways, something definitely needs to be done about the b-ball program...say...let's use college players. They still have passion for the game. Hell, just use the Men and Women's teams from U-Conn...they seem to beat everyone already, right?

    My other thing: Why is it that every four years, I end up watching the swimming events and I want to swim again. So, now my Dad tells're going back into training when you get home. He's like you're looking a little tubby and you can tone that back up before you get back to Boston.

    Wait? I'm tubby? I think that's the reason I quit in the first place. My coach, Leo, told me I was chubby after I had just finished my 200 IM at West Allis Central. I was like...I'm 10...I still have baby fat. Of course, I'm going to be chubby.

    But I digress again. I didn't necessarily quit because of Leo, I quit more because my team got rid of my personal coach, Crystal. Then they got Heidi, who was also my high school coach...never liked her much. I just could never get back into it then, you know? No one really pushed me or anything. I just wasn't passionate about it again.

    I miss swimming...big time. I was good. Hell, I went to J-O's when I was like 9-years-old in the 50 Breast. I had a wall full of medals and ribbons. But, its hard to get into things when you lose the passion for it.

    Maybe that's what happened to the USA basketball team..........

    'Till next time.....

    Sunday, August 15, 2004

    Benny & Joon

    Ok, so I just watched "Benny & Joon" for the first time (thanks to Nick from work...I'll get that DVD back to you one of these...crap, you're moving to Salem, aren't you...) Anyways, I think I just realized what a great actor Johnny Depp truly is.

    It's like I loved him in "POTC" as Capt. Jack Sparrow. I think I'm still slightly bummed out that he didn't win the Oscar for that performance as an acid-laced Keith Richards pirate. Then, I saw him in "Chocolat." Another great performance as a similar, less induced pirate-type. I also really liked him in "Once Upon a Time in Mexico." Although, that movie does get gory, he does make the third part to "El Mariachi's" story well worth the two hours when I was in San Diego.

    I can't wait to see him next winter as Willy Wonka in the new version of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" directed by Tim Burton. That should be totally creepy...c'mon that whole "is it rainin'? Is it snowin'? Is a hurricane' a-blowin'"... yah, that creeped me out when Gene Wilder did it...Johnny Depp will certainly give it his own flair.

    Speaking of actors that I enjoy thoroughly, I just saw the trailer for the new Adam Sandler pic "Spanglish" with Tea Leoni. Hmm. Not quite sure about that one. He's got this funny thing going on with his hair, but nonetheless, he's still way hot. (Yes, I need to get that checked) And it doesn't look like the typical Sandler routine a la "The Water Boy," "Happy Gilmore," "Billy Madison," etc. I think he's really coming into his own as a romantic comedy actor...can we say Tom Hanks??? But, I don't think I'll see Adam in a Stephen Spielberg film in the near future a la "Catch Me if You Can" or even "Saving Private Ryan." But, "Punch Drunk Love" from Paul Thomas Anderson was well worth it...and yes, I'm still bitter about that Oscar-ripoff.

    Till next time...

    I Feel So Unproductive Today

    Yea, so I should be either a) doing my laundry b) cleaning my room c) starting to clear out my stuff in the fridge or d) all of the above.

    Yes, that's right, kidses...I have done nothing. Well, I'm writing this, but I can't really justify this as getting my skanky laundry finished. And I need underwear!

    I know, I know. I should just get off my lazy-ass, take a shower, eat that penne pasta Jen said I could have in the fridge, and go over to the St. Luke's St. laundramat...But I don't want to, you know?

    It's rainy. I'm in one of those complaining sorts of moods and just want to relax. It's not like my flight leaves tomorrow. I do leave on Wednesday night. (Yes, for those of you who don't know, I'm coming in Milwaukee-home...Wednesday through early Sept. 4)

    It's like I adjusted my flight so I could go to a movie with a guy. How crazy is that!? And wait, I still need to call him to make sure he's going. I'm sure he is. He's cool and all. But, I rearranged my flight schedule (see, I could've already been in Milwaukee right now), to go out with a guy that I don't even know if its a date? Call me psychotic...but that's wicked crazy.

    And what's with this wicked thing all of a sudden? I can't stop it. And I'm also using "mad" as in "that's mad funny." I think I really did need this vacation....

    Till later folks... :)

    My First Blog Post

    Dear Blog Reader,

    I don't know what really compelled me to create this online diary-ish sorta thingey. Maybe its out of my sheer boredom. Maybe out of my sheer enjoyment of writing. Maybe its because I want to share my life with all of my friends from close and far away. Maybe its because I have this strange exhibitionist quality for people to see the inner me.

    But, whatever it is, I've done it...

    And we all know that its on the net now for the world to see. Well, at least the eyes who I tell to see, I guess (but knowing my friends they'll shout it from the rooftops and everyone will be like "Christina did blah-blah-blah-blah with so-and-so the other day..." So, I hope that doesn't happen.

    What are my intentions with this thing? Hmm...

  • Keeping in touch with my friends and family who I so dearly miss from Wisconsin

  • Showing people what's going on in Boston (or wherever I may be at the time)
  • A soundboard for life's little lessons

    What are not my intentions with this thing? Double hmm...But primarily...

  • Divulging totally inner secrets about my relationships from the past and present (Yes, I'm sure you're disappointed. But, if you want to can just straight up ask me, ok?)

    So, yea...let's let the healing begin (to quote Matt Damon in "Good Will Hunting")

    Peace out...

    Till my next post....