Saturday, August 28, 2004

My Big Fat Filipino Wedding

Noooooo. I'm not getting married. That would involve me dating someone which hasn't happened since...well, when doesn't matter exactly, does it?

I just rented "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and watched it for the first time. And honestly, I'm not Greek or anything, but there were so many things in that movie that mirror my life. I never really thought about how tough it is to cross-culturalize relationships. Maybe that contributes a lot to why I don't date a whole mess of guys.

It's like, sure...I've had the opportunity to go out with guys. I've gone out on dates with maybe a hand-full of guys during and since high school -- no need to name names (although, if you know me, I'm sure you can name them). I've been in only one significant relationship (which I sabotaged on my own quite successfully because of a lot of these cultural taboos and misunderstandings, so to speak).

It was kinda surreal to watch a movie like that when I've lived it myself, you know? Bullet points make this argument so much easier:
  • I have the father who wants the guy to ask for permission
  • I have a semi-big, crazy, loud family (ok, the "semi" part could just be substituted with "completely")
  • We cook large animals in our yard (you may not have seen us have, or tasted, the lechon -- that means "pig" in Tagalog" -- but my dad is known to dig holes in our yard for large enough parties)
  • I have a brother who would kill (and make it look like an accident) my boyfriend if he hurt me badly enough
  • Did I mention you have to ask permission to date me?

    Yea, that list isn't necessarily exhaustive. It is hard growing up from a non-Anglo culture. It's like I've always considered myself "white," but I can't escape the Filipina side of my heritage. It's always there because my family means so much to me. It's like one tries to assimilate with their culture but, in reality, culture has to assimilate with you.

    And I guess, for me, that means whoever I end up with -- has to take me and my family for what they are. And I still haven't found that person. It's hard to do that. It's hard to find that one person who will accept you and your family for what they are, and at the same time, have them love all of you for good times and bad.

    Maybe I'm too much of a pessimist when I say this, maybe I've been out of the game too long, but sometimes it's hard to think that that one person will ever come along for me, especially now............
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