Sunday, March 06, 2005


Woo-Hoo! It's spring break! I'd flash my boobs, but what's the fun in that?!?

So, I'm spending the first half of my break working, working, and working. Ok, I'm also trying to get rid of this virus and inner ear infection that I have that's causing me to get really bad cases of vertigo. Yea, not fun. I've just spent the past 18 hours sleeping. No lie. No one's at home, so I figured I'd take this lovely opportunity to become one with my bed. I don't think I've gone to bed at 6:30 since I was in like first grade.

Brett's in Florida 'til Wednesday night covering spring training. So, I don't have him to bug. When he comes back we're going up to Vermont for a nice, long weekend. I get to meet his sister, Cory. She's home on break from Ohio.

Oooh...Brett told me he loved me. How sweet! I'm so psyched! I'm just so in love with him, too. As scared as I am about the next few months, I think we'll figure something out to make it work -- at least I really hope we do (that is, when we finally have this long-awaited talk we've been putting off).

It's just going to be fairly tough, I think with him graduating and getting a job. Plus, I'm probably going to moving home at the end of the summer. I think I've decided to take a leave of absence for a semester or two and just work a little while to catch up financially. I just don't have the means to move across town into a new place right now...not to mention I don't have the energy, patience, or manpower to do it. I just think right now that that's the best option for me.

Brett needs a place to live after the end of next month. I don't know if that's going to play any part in anything. Imaeyen and Melissa are subletting so if he wants to move in, he can. I just don't know how he feels about moving in with me. Bill and Todd were nice enough to offer him a place to stay, too.

It's just been really hard the past few weeks. I'm so scared that this is all going to go away, so I'd rather not even have the conversation, y'know? I'd just kinda like to avoid the whole thing. I've been so happy with him the past couple of months. It's been absolutely amazing. I really do love him. I just don't think I should be a factor at all in his future plans, though. He shouldn't have to worry about a girlfriend right now. He has the rest of his life for that. I dunno. I'm just really nervous about the whole thing.

I want to promise him the world. But I can't even promise him a month from now. I really wish I could try, though. I've never felt like this before. It's like we always talked about doing all these things together and I just want the chance to do them. I want to ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier with him. I want him to meet my family. I want to be the one to take him to California for the first time. I just want the chance.

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